Self-Worth is defined as the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect; "it was beneath his dignity to cheat"; "showed his true dignity when under pressure"
I believe people out there have issues with thier self worth becuase of outer apperances, society views, weight, abilities, and well anything else that can influence how a person can feel about themselves.
I'm about to be REALLY honest with this entry , about my own self worth. I know that this is my diary, and i can type whatever I want. Its possible people will respond negativly or positivly.. w/e. Its just that its hard to really admit you don't see your self as your pretend to see yourself.
I love myself, I do. There are so many great qualities about myself and who I am. I know tons of people who will feel that I am a good person and do deserve great things. Everyone deserves happiness in thier lives, its just that how can anyone be *really* happy when they aren't really happy with themselves? How can you expect someone to like/love you if you can't like or love yourself even more. I am faulted in that , I love friends/family/boyfriends with my heart, and I trully feel that I love them more then I can love myself. Now I know I just said I love myself and then I said I didn't. Here is the thing, I love who I am on the inside. I know that i deserve to feel appreciated and loved for who I am as I am now. But I look at myself, and I see so much more then what I am looking at. I see this girl, who has such a huge heart, that she would take on more heartache then she would need, becuase she loves/cares for others so much. I see someone who has a winning personality and is truly a fun person. I see a girl who loves "love" and being in love. But then I see the outward things... the girl who is pretty, but not as pretty as she could be. I'm a big girl. Am I ashammed of being big.. No and yes. Yes only becuase I allowed myself to not have the dicipline I had to maintain health.. I let excuses become reasons. No I am not ashamed about being big, becuase I have embraced that is who I am. Being big, is NOT the end of the world or me. But then I see how much i invest into things.. I spend lots of money on living (rent/gas/bills/food) and I spend another great amount of money on misc (dvds/games/fun/entertainment/life)...
I decided to sign up for a gym and a personal trainer (more to come on this in a min) .. but I almost didnt want to do the personal trainer because of its cost. Then I realized in that moment and thought, I needed to. Why is it that I can justify spending, 60$ a month for entertainment (Gamefly/Netflix/going to the movies) and then probably about 80 a month on hobbie purchases.... but I can't bare the thought of spending 90$ a month to invest on my health/nutrition/and self.
Really I get it, Personal Trainers are pricy, but the thing is why did I feel that I was not worth the $90 a month to better my health & nutrition ?
So that is when I decide i am worth it, and made the decision that starting Oct 1 (when my membership & PT experience begins) I will be doing things to better myself and trully make myself see the person I see on the inside & the outside match! Sure its about losing wieght, but its more then that. Its also about making myself happy.
- Current Location:work
- Current Mood: accomplished