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Self Worth/Self Investment


Self-Worth is defined as the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect; "it was beneath his dignity to cheat"; "showed his true dignity when under pressure"

I believe people out there have issues with thier self worth becuase of outer apperances, society views, weight, abilities, and well anything else that can influence how a person can feel about themselves.

I'm about to be REALLY honest with this entry , about my own self worth.  I know that this is my diary, and i can type whatever I want. Its possible people will respond negativly or positivly.. w/e. Its just that its hard to really admit you don't see your self as your pretend to see yourself.

I love myself, I do. There are so many great qualities about myself and who I am. I know tons of people who will feel that I am a good person and do deserve great things.  Everyone deserves happiness in thier lives, its just that how can anyone be *really* happy when they aren't really happy with themselves? How can you expect someone to like/love you if you can't like or love yourself even more.  I am faulted in that , I love friends/family/boyfriends with my heart, and I trully feel that I love them more then I can love myself. Now I know I just said I love myself and then I said I didn't. Here is the thing, I love who I am on the inside. I know that i deserve to feel appreciated and loved for who I am as I am now. But I look at myself, and I see so much more then what I am looking at. I see this girl, who has such a huge heart, that she would take on more heartache then she would need, becuase she loves/cares for others so much. I see someone who has a winning personality and is truly a fun person. I see a girl who loves "love" and being in love. But then I see the outward things... the girl who is pretty, but not as pretty as she could be. I'm a big girl. Am I ashammed of being big.. No and yes. Yes only becuase I allowed myself to not have the dicipline I had to maintain health.. I let excuses become reasons.  No I am not ashamed about being big, becuase I have embraced that is who I am. Being big, is NOT the end of the world or me. But then I see how much i invest into things.. I spend lots of money on living (rent/gas/bills/food) and I spend another great amount of money on misc (dvds/games/fun/entertainment/life)...

I decided to sign up for a gym and a personal trainer (more to come on this in a min) .. but I almost didnt want to do the personal trainer because of its cost. Then I realized in that moment and thought, I needed to.  Why is it that I can justify spending, 60$ a month for entertainment (Gamefly/Netflix/going to the movies) and then probably about 80 a month on hobbie purchases....  but I can't bare the thought of spending 90$ a month to invest on my health/nutrition/and self.

Really I get it, Personal Trainers are pricy, but the thing is why did I feel that I was not worth the $90 a month  to better my health & nutrition ?

So that is when I decide i am worth it, and made the decision that starting Oct 1 (when my membership & PT experience begins) I will be doing things to better myself and trully make myself see the person I see on the inside & the outside match!  Sure its about losing wieght, but its more then that. Its also about making myself happy.

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
bluebuckeye
Sep. 21st, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
*HUGS* I have found that when I make just getting to the gym my goal that I do MUCH better than when I focus on weight. I'm telling you what, I haven't lost anything but I am so much stronger now. I find myself fondling my thighs thinking about how hard my muscles are. And THAT makes me ridiculously happy.

You are worth it! You are so worth it THAT YOU NEED TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE ON SATURDAY SO I CAN TELL YOU IN PERSON HOW WORTH IT YOU ARE!
tanyarose
Sep. 22nd, 2009 06:53 pm (UTC)
I miss my friffy!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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